Smugsy's Seminal Moment
Some Minifans resented Smugsy because she was a bigger bitch than Kirk, who also struggled at times with just how f*cking smug she was.
But to his credit Podcast Jesus let Smugsy do Smugsy.
Her business acumen honed in on the stats and trends of the audience and Smugsy quickly saw on the charts and in the analytics a distinct pattern of “energy” generated at certain times during the show — specifically she noticed how “energized” Minfans became when the topic turned as it always did to pornography.
“Endearing,” thought Smugsy as she witnessed Kirk-the -Elder pass down ancient tribal folklore and porn legends to the generation of Minifans raised on inferior and highly-addictive digital media.
Setting aside the paternalistic sentimentality of Kirk Minihane teaching Minifans to fish, so to speak, Smugsy saw content opportunity and went to work capitalizing on the concept and its scale-ability.
‘Come all Ye Faithful’ immediately became a Minifan favorite and Kirk’s most popular segment, just in time for the holidays, followed by ‘Beat Off with L’il Drumma Boy.’
‘Circle Jerk with Blind Mike’ also did well, and ‘Minifans Coming to Grips with Themselves’ is widely credited with shepherding the show’s many hammer hands through the season.
For music lovers, Smugsy designed enriching and diverse programming, including ‘How to Play the Five Finger Sonata, Pipe Organ and Skin Flute,’ and for the dancers, ‘Doing the Hand Jive.’
The problem was all the “fructose.”
Smugsy was a victim of her own sweet success.
Her porn-based programming became so popular — so sizzling hot — the studio became a steam-bath of bodily fluids. The floors were slippery, the door knobs and computers were sticky and the air was thick and somewhat foul.
Even the patented Rubber Baby Smugsy Bumper couldn’t dam the flow and her latest fashion line — In Black — was jeopardized by the moisture.
On top of that Smugsy continued being snubbed by several cliques of Minifans who were jealous.
There is unfinished business — for instance supporting Kirk in his effort to take back the word “faggot” — but still, Smugsy wondered:
Is it time to make a move?