Can Elon Musk Save Middle Earth?

If you don’t understand the reference to Middle Earth, you are rightfully terrified of First Buddy Elon Musk. He comes across as an evil bad guy with insatiable lust for money and power. Worse, he seems pretty smart and could probably program the US Treasury System to send geese poop to everyone on the list.

And everyone is on the list, so the database in Musk’s hands is worse than Big Brother and his telescreens in “1984.” Musk has keys to the castle, a mischievous smirk on his face, and a man-crush on Big Daddy. He is the villain. He is Frankenstein jacked-up on AI. These are reasonable thoughts.

But for a minute turn on your imagination.

Imagine you are not scared the world is coming to an end because it’s fiction, written by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Middle Earth is the scene of the epic battle between good and evil in The Lord of the Rings. It is where Mr. Frodo, a Hobbit, is on a mission to get the Ring to Mount Doom in Mordor to save the Free Peoples of the West, the good guys, against Lord Sauron and his army of freakish devils of amazing strength and badness.

Spoiler alert: the good guys win — but not without battles you want to watch over and over again. And ladies, all the female characters are the good guys! With great lines, like when Eowyn gets up in the Witch-king Angmar’s grill and screams, “I am no man!” right before killing him. I get chills thinking about it.

A monster carnivorous spider, Shelob, is the yin to the Dark Lord Sauron’s yang on team bad-guys in The Lord of the Rings. In the real world, the Dark Lords battling for control of our tired earth are Putin, Xi, and Little Rocket Man. Their armies are on the march. And this is why we need Big Rocket Man and why I believe Elon Musk is our guy.

In the end - whether by world war or the sun running out of energy, who do you want getting team good-guys - our team - TEAM USA! - out of the Mines of Moria? L’il Kim or Big Buddy? So what. He’s weird. Have you seen an Orc?

The world is a dangerous place. We are in a fight for civilization. Elon Musk was born and raised by The Lord of the Rings. Trump’s call to battle on X is to Musk Aragorn’s speech at the Black Gate. A rousing call to battle evil. He’s not in it for the money! He is called by duty. He will deal with the Dead Men of Dunharrow, i.e. the Democrats, to save Gondor.

Musk flipped the Starlink switch for the Ukrainian good guys fighting Putin’s army on the frontlines. While juggling Tesla, X, SpaceX among other companies he has billions of dollars tied up in contracts with the US Government so presumably does not want it to go broke. He has so much money! That’s why we need Canada. To store his cash. Plus, he was appointed by the guy you don’t fool twice.

Musk appears to have good hygiene and 12 kids. He’s been married three times to two women.

All this evidence leads me to believe that Musk is our Wizard. He is the Big Rocket Man we need. Today’s Mr. Frodo can take SpaceX to Mount Doom to deliver the Ring and save the Free Peoples of the West, thanks to Elon Musk.

Is this a fantasy? Let’s hope not.