Equality is binary. If you want to be they, get married.
“If the limit never approaches anything, the limit does not exist” is a quote from the iconic coming-of-age movie Mean Girls, and one way to state succinctly the case for protecting “they” as a plural all-inclusive pronoun of the English Language.
If you haven’t seen Mean Girls, think The Catcher in the Rye or any other story about an individual’s journey from the outside looking in to a place of belonging.
Please understand the rejection of “they” as a singular pronoun is not a rejection of non-binary-you because I am a mean girl. My beliefs about they are grounded in my identity as an English Major.
I am pro you.
The defense of traditional “they” is not a stand against anyone who feels on the outside of the gender binary looking in, rather its a rallying call to them to hu-man-up.
Let me explain.
Traditional English “they” is plural and inclusive of everyone. That’s what makes they great and deserving of our protection.
New Age “they” is all about what we call them. The annexation of a beloved pronoun is resisted by us who are working to solve big problems and advance humankind towards justice and the gender binary is not the problem.
The problem of the gender binary is locating where on the spectrum you fit on it.
We believe everyone should play by the rules and under traditional English language rules the singular pronouns are I, he/she, and him/her.
Nobody seems to quibble with I, which is interesting.
It’s he/she and him/her that are objectionable to non-binary people — but they miss the point about the spectrum. There are an infinite number of points on a line.
Math to English translation: there is room for everyone.
Equality is binary. You either have it or you don’t and if binary is good enough for equality - among the other numerous and mythical opposites that help describe the mysteries of the universe and advance the human condition - binary is good enough for the 1.7 million English Majors feeling the heat to use “they” as a singular gender neutral pronoun.
We question our friends, the 1.2 million Americans who are non-binary and advocating for the use of “they” on demand, what’s next? Red is blue? The Deseret Alphabet?
You see we have been down this road before. This is not the first time the English language has been under assault by small special interest groups with big hearts.
Remember the Mormons in the early 19th century pouring the Deseret Alphabet down our throats as medicine for society’s ills? Brigham Young led a vigorous English-language spelling reform movement to transform society for the better and pushed the wide-spread adoption of a new way to spell. Words spelled the Deseret way began appearing on signs and in publications until thankfully they didn’t because ordinary freedom-loving English-majored Americans put their foot down on the brakes of a run-away train.
You want me to spell wherefore "werfour”? Fuhgeddaboudit! And there are 6.5 million Mormons!
It was English Majors who stood in solidarity with silent h - it speaks loudly to us - and it is with equal fervor and passion we celebrate the rich and beautiful hush of the not-silent h in he and she.
In English there’s an h for everyone.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. New Age They-ers and the Deseret Alphabet People have good intentions but up-ending an inclusive set of pronouns is not progress, it’s confusing.
Watered down English is like weak tea. No amount of sugar makes it stronger. English Majors want strong English. We were born that way.
The same majority of Americans who fully embrace marriage equality and celebrate codifying it in our statutes and constitutions find common ground in the fundamental belief that a marriage between two people (again, sorry Mormons) is the foundation of a family and families are the bedrock of a free and democratic society.
It’s not a logical inference that they who support marriage equality will support using they to mean you. If you want to be they, get married.
And it’s not just about you. It’s about us.
Yin and Yang. Good and evil. Darkness and light. Fire and ice. Heaven and earth. East and west - the plight of humanity is passed down through the ages with fables and myths about people struggling through an identity crisis while navigating the dynamics of strong and opposing forces in the search for meaning.
Defining yourself takes courage. Being neutral is playing it safe. Be bold and be you despite what they say is what we say.
Who am I? What is my purpose? Where do I fit in?
In the big picture masculine and feminine are the metaphorical and metaphysical limits of gender expression like other poles of competing energy in the universe. Every individual has a place on the spectrum. The spot in the middle is still binary.
The point is you can be what gender you wish without us calling you they. We all are on a road to self discovery.
In Ukraine if you are a man you fight a brutal war against Russia, if you are a woman you care for those who survive it.
Where would I fit in is the question that haunts me.
Who are we when neutrality is not an option is the question haunting America.
The opposite ends of a spectrum are the limits. If the limit has no meaning, it doesn’t exist.
In America everyone has the right to marry one person regardless of gender. Marriage is binary. With equal rights comes equal responsibilities. The right to be joined with another person by law and recognized as a family regardless of gender is what marriage equality is about and what I love about our country. Discovering who we are is the prelude to discovering who we love. You have the right to define yourself. Policing my speech is my responsibility.
The question for 2023 is not what’s your pronoun.
In the name of progress the question is who do we love.